Wavey Goes to Elementary School

For my Irish friends who are unfamiliar with the education system over here (I am too), Elementary School is like the first level of school. There is pre-school, like in Ireland and then there is Elementary School. So this school would be the equivalent of Junior and Senior Infants and up to maybe 3rd class.

I totally just noticed I have yet given no context as to why I went to Elementary School. It was for church. The church I was attending that specific Sunday met in the multipurpose room (basically a gym) of the school.

So, schools in America (totally generalising based on this one school I've seen) are really weird. Please bare in mind that these things are happening in a school with 5-10 year olds.

Here's some weird things:
1. Their computer room has a sink in it. (I really cannot see this ending well).
2. When there are rules regarding food, for example the students are not allowed take food out from the school, the actual law number is posted on the sign too.
3. There was a seven (ish, I don't remember exactly) paged document hanging on the student notice board to inform students of their rights and responsibilities in technical, legal jargon.
4. Funding for some projects in the school came from the General Obligation Board, what a strange name for a board. They really don't sound like they want to help or fund the school, do they, more like they have to; it's an obligation...

5. The cleanliness of their kitchen document is also posted to the student noticeboard.
6. Their idea of healthy meals includes burgers!


Then, there was also some weird things about being in an Elementary School for church:
1. The computer room, with the sink, is used by the church as a nursery... I mean come on, you are asking for something to be broken... I wanted to smash a computer to get it over with.
2. There is a giant... GIANT American flag behind the worship team when they play and pastor when he preaches!

3. The toilets and sinks and hand dryers are designed for half-sized people and so are awkward to use as an adult, even a very short adult like myself.

What's Up?

One of the big phrases people say in California all the time is "what's up?" and every single time I hear it I panic.

In Ireland, the traditional greetings of "hi, how are you?" Have mostly survived.

How are you? is a very straightforward question. You know exactly what's being asked of you when someone says "how are you?"

You know they are enquiring as to your well-being in a polite and cordial manner. The polite response to the question, of course, is something simple like, "good, how are you?"

In Cork things are a little different. Corkonians will say "story?" and they mean the same thing as how are you. However, you can just answer "story?" or "What's the story?" with the word 'story' yourself.

"What's up?" and "S'up?" are just enigmas to me. I don't get the social norms to be able to give back the appropriate, correct and polite response. So, whenever someone says it I just panic.

These conversations usually go something like this.

Person of California: "Hey Wavey, what's up?"

Wavey's mind: "Ah crap, I have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to answer that question. I hate when people ask me "what's up"... Why do they say "What's up?" here they entire time anyway. I don't know what to say to you person, I just don't know what to say... What's the proper response to "what's up?" I don't know.

What Person of California sees: Wavey staring at them as he disappears into his own head like a turtle into its shell, or like how Augustus Gloop falls into that chocolate river in Willy Wonka's factory.

Wavey's Mind: "Well dang it Wavey, it's been like an eternity (maybe 8 seconds) and you have literally stood there, just staring at the person who said "what's up" to you. You need to do something, acknowledge the what's up, even if you have no idea how to answer it... Do something you introverted, socially awkward ninny-muggins!

 What Person of California sees: Wavey nods and walks away.

This is literally what happens each time. If you are one of my friends in California, could you not say what's up? Or if you do just walk away, then I can sigh a sigh of relief as I don't have to try and figure out what I should say back to you.

Californian Slang 5: I Am Going To...

No you didn't read that wrong. This post has the exact same title as the last one but for those keen of eye amongst you, you will have noticed it says Californian Slang 5, not 4 like the last one.

Since last writing I showed Micah the blog and he noted I didn't have a particular word down. The reason for that was because I had no idea what it meant... in fact I am actually reading articles about it right at this moment to try and get it down.

So I understood finna to mean something similar to imma, but also with the intent to invite you along.

e.g.
Micah: "Finna go to Sonic?"
Wilito: "Down."

Irish Person: "I'm going to Sonic, do you want to come?"
Other Irish Person: "Yes."

But then Micah used it without inviting someone somewhere.

Micah: "I'm finna go with the coffee shop people."

So it was no longer inviting people.

Then Micah left CCBC and messaged me one day, the conversation ended with him saying:
"I'm finna go to the store."

So after seeing the other blogs Micah tried to explain finna to me definitively. It hasn't worked (sorry Micah).

So Finna comes from fixing to, which I have discovered basically means 'going to' or 'gonna'.

For some reason Californians stopped saying 'going to' and said 'fixing to' and where 'gonna' comes in to this timeline I'm not sure.

Anyway, 'fixing to' became 'finna'... cos 'Murica...

So actual meaning examples:

Micah: "Finna go to Sonic?"
Meaning: "[I'm] gonna go to Sonic [do you want to come]? (you just don't say the bit in brackets).

Micah: "I'm finna go to the store."
Meaning: "I am going to go to the store."

Yeah... Slang eh?

Californian Slang 4: I Am Going To...

A number of years ago Joss Whedon wrote a comic book series that was set in the future of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe where a future half Slayer, Melaka Fray, her twin brother got the Slayer knowledge and she got the Slayer powers...

Anyway, in that series, called Fray, Joss has people speaking English differently, attempting to predict the changes in the English language that might occur over the next 100 or so years. Sentences, he theorised, would be much shorter and words much more descriptive. So, for example, vampires are no longer called vampires, that takes too long to say. Instead they are called by a description of what they do: lurk, so they are called Lurks.

In the Buffy Season 8 comics she visits Fray in the future and is being filled in on the new meanings of words, her conclusion is that she wished she studied in English class better, to preserve the English language for future generations.

Anyway, all that to say Joss Whedon's context of writing is California. Here, in California, they don't say 'I am going to', nor do they say the shorter 'I'm going to' or even the shorter but still acceptable 'I'm gonna'. Instead they say "I'mma".

For example:

Micah: "I'mma slap you." (His favourite phrase)

Meaning: "I am going to slap you."

Maybe Joss Whedon was on to something, at least in the Californian context.

It's funny to compare it where German, where new words are made all the time too, but instead of making them shorter they just throw them together and say a longer word that used to be two individual words!

Californian Slang 3: Words for Good Things.

When Californians want to express their happiness and delight with a situation they use an unusual choice of words... basically anything we think of as negative is positive here.

Dope:

Austin: "That's dope."

Meaning: 'That's good/cool.'

Ireland: "You dope."

Meaning: "You idiot.

Sick:

Micah: "That's sick, brah."

Meaning: "That's cool/amazing.

Cork: "That's sick, bai."

Meaning: "You're disgusting."

Hella:

Micah: "That's hella sick brah."

Meaning: 'That is more amazing than the word sick would indicate alone.'

There's not an Irish equivalent of this usage, but we only ever use Hell negatively from what I can remember.

Ireland: "Like hell you will."

Meaning: 'No, you won't.'

NB: Some Christians use Hecka to avoid saying hell.

Wicked:

I don't think it is used as much anymore, but I have heard it a couple of times.

Generic Californian: "That shirt is wicked."

Meaning: 'That shirt is class.'

Ireland: "That t-shirt is wicked."

Meaning: Not sure exactly how a t-shirt could be evil, but there ya go, that's what you're saying.

Californian Slang 2: Down

This is the second in the Californian Slang series.

Second Observation:
When a Californian wants to do something they are not 'up for it' like an Irish person would be. In fact, they are quite the opposite. Californians are 'down' for things.

Person 1: "Wanna go to In-N-Out?
Micah: "I'm down."

Cork Person 1: "Wanna go to the Fran Well?"
Cork Person 2: "I'm up for that."

Californian Slang 1. 'Bro'

On my other blog (Waveys Thoughts) I have a dictionary translating Cork into English. This is sort of a similar idea but with Californian and because I am trying to do shorter posts each will have one observation.

So, as has been mentioned before Micah is kind of my expert on all things American, and he is actually from California so a lot of this is what he says (sorry Micah, love you really, forgive me!).

First observation:
Californians says 'bro' like Cork people say 'like' or 'bai'.

"Oh yeah bro, I'm totally down to go there bro, it'll be so awesome bro." - Micah

"Ah yeah like, I'm up for going bai, it'll be great craic like." - Cork person (in case you don't get the distinction).

Please note, you have to pronounce this 'bro' like you are very stoned! Long and drawn out does it, even if you're saying it fast. It sounds more like 'Brah' when it's said.