Wavey Goes to Elementary School

For my Irish friends who are unfamiliar with the education system over here (I am too), Elementary School is like the first level of school. There is pre-school, like in Ireland and then there is Elementary School. So this school would be the equivalent of Junior and Senior Infants and up to maybe 3rd class.

I totally just noticed I have yet given no context as to why I went to Elementary School. It was for church. The church I was attending that specific Sunday met in the multipurpose room (basically a gym) of the school.

So, schools in America (totally generalising based on this one school I've seen) are really weird. Please bare in mind that these things are happening in a school with 5-10 year olds.

Here's some weird things:
1. Their computer room has a sink in it. (I really cannot see this ending well).
2. When there are rules regarding food, for example the students are not allowed take food out from the school, the actual law number is posted on the sign too.
3. There was a seven (ish, I don't remember exactly) paged document hanging on the student notice board to inform students of their rights and responsibilities in technical, legal jargon.
4. Funding for some projects in the school came from the General Obligation Board, what a strange name for a board. They really don't sound like they want to help or fund the school, do they, more like they have to; it's an obligation...

5. The cleanliness of their kitchen document is also posted to the student noticeboard.
6. Their idea of healthy meals includes burgers!


Then, there was also some weird things about being in an Elementary School for church:
1. The computer room, with the sink, is used by the church as a nursery... I mean come on, you are asking for something to be broken... I wanted to smash a computer to get it over with.
2. There is a giant... GIANT American flag behind the worship team when they play and pastor when he preaches!

3. The toilets and sinks and hand dryers are designed for half-sized people and so are awkward to use as an adult, even a very short adult like myself.

What's Up?

One of the big phrases people say in California all the time is "what's up?" and every single time I hear it I panic.

In Ireland, the traditional greetings of "hi, how are you?" Have mostly survived.

How are you? is a very straightforward question. You know exactly what's being asked of you when someone says "how are you?"

You know they are enquiring as to your well-being in a polite and cordial manner. The polite response to the question, of course, is something simple like, "good, how are you?"

In Cork things are a little different. Corkonians will say "story?" and they mean the same thing as how are you. However, you can just answer "story?" or "What's the story?" with the word 'story' yourself.

"What's up?" and "S'up?" are just enigmas to me. I don't get the social norms to be able to give back the appropriate, correct and polite response. So, whenever someone says it I just panic.

These conversations usually go something like this.

Person of California: "Hey Wavey, what's up?"

Wavey's mind: "Ah crap, I have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to answer that question. I hate when people ask me "what's up"... Why do they say "What's up?" here they entire time anyway. I don't know what to say to you person, I just don't know what to say... What's the proper response to "what's up?" I don't know.

What Person of California sees: Wavey staring at them as he disappears into his own head like a turtle into its shell, or like how Augustus Gloop falls into that chocolate river in Willy Wonka's factory.

Wavey's Mind: "Well dang it Wavey, it's been like an eternity (maybe 8 seconds) and you have literally stood there, just staring at the person who said "what's up" to you. You need to do something, acknowledge the what's up, even if you have no idea how to answer it... Do something you introverted, socially awkward ninny-muggins!

 What Person of California sees: Wavey nods and walks away.

This is literally what happens each time. If you are one of my friends in California, could you not say what's up? Or if you do just walk away, then I can sigh a sigh of relief as I don't have to try and figure out what I should say back to you.

Californian Slang 5: I Am Going To...

No you didn't read that wrong. This post has the exact same title as the last one but for those keen of eye amongst you, you will have noticed it says Californian Slang 5, not 4 like the last one.

Since last writing I showed Micah the blog and he noted I didn't have a particular word down. The reason for that was because I had no idea what it meant... in fact I am actually reading articles about it right at this moment to try and get it down.

So I understood finna to mean something similar to imma, but also with the intent to invite you along.

e.g.
Micah: "Finna go to Sonic?"
Wilito: "Down."

Irish Person: "I'm going to Sonic, do you want to come?"
Other Irish Person: "Yes."

But then Micah used it without inviting someone somewhere.

Micah: "I'm finna go with the coffee shop people."

So it was no longer inviting people.

Then Micah left CCBC and messaged me one day, the conversation ended with him saying:
"I'm finna go to the store."

So after seeing the other blogs Micah tried to explain finna to me definitively. It hasn't worked (sorry Micah).

So Finna comes from fixing to, which I have discovered basically means 'going to' or 'gonna'.

For some reason Californians stopped saying 'going to' and said 'fixing to' and where 'gonna' comes in to this timeline I'm not sure.

Anyway, 'fixing to' became 'finna'... cos 'Murica...

So actual meaning examples:

Micah: "Finna go to Sonic?"
Meaning: "[I'm] gonna go to Sonic [do you want to come]? (you just don't say the bit in brackets).

Micah: "I'm finna go to the store."
Meaning: "I am going to go to the store."

Yeah... Slang eh?

Californian Slang 4: I Am Going To...

A number of years ago Joss Whedon wrote a comic book series that was set in the future of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe where a future half Slayer, Melaka Fray, her twin brother got the Slayer knowledge and she got the Slayer powers...

Anyway, in that series, called Fray, Joss has people speaking English differently, attempting to predict the changes in the English language that might occur over the next 100 or so years. Sentences, he theorised, would be much shorter and words much more descriptive. So, for example, vampires are no longer called vampires, that takes too long to say. Instead they are called by a description of what they do: lurk, so they are called Lurks.

In the Buffy Season 8 comics she visits Fray in the future and is being filled in on the new meanings of words, her conclusion is that she wished she studied in English class better, to preserve the English language for future generations.

Anyway, all that to say Joss Whedon's context of writing is California. Here, in California, they don't say 'I am going to', nor do they say the shorter 'I'm going to' or even the shorter but still acceptable 'I'm gonna'. Instead they say "I'mma".

For example:

Micah: "I'mma slap you." (His favourite phrase)

Meaning: "I am going to slap you."

Maybe Joss Whedon was on to something, at least in the Californian context.

It's funny to compare it where German, where new words are made all the time too, but instead of making them shorter they just throw them together and say a longer word that used to be two individual words!

Californian Slang 3: Words for Good Things.

When Californians want to express their happiness and delight with a situation they use an unusual choice of words... basically anything we think of as negative is positive here.

Dope:

Austin: "That's dope."

Meaning: 'That's good/cool.'

Ireland: "You dope."

Meaning: "You idiot.

Sick:

Micah: "That's sick, brah."

Meaning: "That's cool/amazing.

Cork: "That's sick, bai."

Meaning: "You're disgusting."

Hella:

Micah: "That's hella sick brah."

Meaning: 'That is more amazing than the word sick would indicate alone.'

There's not an Irish equivalent of this usage, but we only ever use Hell negatively from what I can remember.

Ireland: "Like hell you will."

Meaning: 'No, you won't.'

NB: Some Christians use Hecka to avoid saying hell.

Wicked:

I don't think it is used as much anymore, but I have heard it a couple of times.

Generic Californian: "That shirt is wicked."

Meaning: 'That shirt is class.'

Ireland: "That t-shirt is wicked."

Meaning: Not sure exactly how a t-shirt could be evil, but there ya go, that's what you're saying.

Californian Slang 2: Down

This is the second in the Californian Slang series.

Second Observation:
When a Californian wants to do something they are not 'up for it' like an Irish person would be. In fact, they are quite the opposite. Californians are 'down' for things.

Person 1: "Wanna go to In-N-Out?
Micah: "I'm down."

Cork Person 1: "Wanna go to the Fran Well?"
Cork Person 2: "I'm up for that."

Californian Slang 1. 'Bro'

On my other blog (Waveys Thoughts) I have a dictionary translating Cork into English. This is sort of a similar idea but with Californian and because I am trying to do shorter posts each will have one observation.

So, as has been mentioned before Micah is kind of my expert on all things American, and he is actually from California so a lot of this is what he says (sorry Micah, love you really, forgive me!).

First observation:
Californians says 'bro' like Cork people say 'like' or 'bai'.

"Oh yeah bro, I'm totally down to go there bro, it'll be so awesome bro." - Micah

"Ah yeah like, I'm up for going bai, it'll be great craic like." - Cork person (in case you don't get the distinction).

Please note, you have to pronounce this 'bro' like you are very stoned! Long and drawn out does it, even if you're saying it fast. It sounds more like 'Brah' when it's said.

What's in a Word 4: CV

We had an event at CCBC where colleges, graduate opportunities and summer camp employment groups came to one of our Friday Chapels earlier in the semester and the guy announcing it mentioned people could come and find work for the summer or after CCBC and should bring their resumes.

Now, I know what a resume is, but it's a stupid word...

They don't even put the accent on it, it is literally the word resume (i.e. to begin again).

Anyway, we were talking about resumes after that announcement and I told some of my dormmates that we call them CVs and that it stands for Curriculum Vitae, and that C.V. means 'the course of one's life'.

Well:

American words 0, Ways Irish name things 2.

What's in a Word 3: Lift. (Caution NSFW)

So we all know weird things about the word lift in America, right. There is the standard understanding of lift in Ireland as being that thing you stand in, push a button and it takes you to another floor.
Just as an aside, I stayed in some hotels in Texas [thanks Paul] and they were many floors up, like 12 and 15 I think. That's the highest bed I have ever slept in. Anyway...

So that's one thing we call a lift, and they call it an elevator here. They have high hopes for technology, it will elevate you... Usually a word I associate with like Dermot O'Mahony's church, rising to new heights in life, not physically but emotionally, mentally or spiritually.

We use lift in another way in Ireland. It means a journey in a car. So if you wanted to go somewhere in Ireland and did not have your own mode of transportation you might ask someone else going in that direction if you can have a lift with them.

Well, in America they say ride.

I'm sure you know how we use ride in Ireland, but just in case you don't remember... There is the generic ride, like riding a horse, but then there is the other meaning, ride like as in sexual intercourse.

So, the very first time one of my roommates turned to another one and asked for a ride I nearly died. I didn't know what to make of it, who in their right mind just out-rightly asks for a ride like that. I imagine it goes on in shady nightclubs and things, but in Bible College? Really?

Not only that, but it was a guy asking a guy... in Bible College.

You remember the time when it turned out loads of trainee priests in the trainee priest school in Ireland were involved in much gay sex... I began to wonder about CCBC for a moment.

Then the response was a very calm and nonchalant 'sure'. I was a little more confused. Whatever about a proposition like that, someone very calmly, in front of about six other people, taking up the offer of homosexual sex was a little unbeliever... the depths of depravity you know?

It was then that I remembered an American friend telling me they made the mistake of asking someone in Ireland for a ride and the weird reaction she got.

So I asked about it! Did they mean they wanted to be brought somewhere in the other roommate's car?

You can imagine the laughter when I told them what I understood by how we use that word in Ireland... It's one of the ones I don't think I'll ever get used to, I still laugh whenever one of the roommates asks someone else for a ride somewhere!

American Words 3, Wavey 0.

But...
American Words 0, Irish ways of saying things 1.

What's in a Word 2: Cutlery

So, as part of the course here we have to do what is called M1 (confusingly also the name of the Visa I'm here on!).

M1 is basically seven hours a week of work somewhere around the Bible College and/or Conference Centre. There are various positions, from office work, AV, librarians, food prep, bakers, house keeping etc. I am a dishwasher. My shift is from 5am-8am and then 12:30pm-4pm on a Friday.

Basically I'm blaming this one on being tired from this 5 am thing.

It's like week three of dishwashing and I'm downstairs (in the Bible College part of the kitchen). One of the employed dishwashers comes into the back room, where things can be pretty slow and I usually do put backs back there, and asks me to check the silver wear.

I left the dish-room walking in an aimless direction, not sure what exactly I was supposed to go and check. Here's the inner monologue again.

"What did he say to check? Silver wear, what exactly is silver wear and where would I find it? What could silver wear mean? It's hardly silver polish, there's no silver down here... What about something you physically wear? Yeah... that could be it..."

Okay, so pause inner monologue a second. In the kitchen in CCBC/CCCC we have various coloured aprons, each apron colour is indicative of a different department in the kitchens. For example, green is the colour of dishwashers. There is also brown, black and white stripped, black, red and blue aprons. Back to inner monologue.

"There are various coloured aprons upstairs, maybe that's what he's talking about. Maybe some team is coming on shift soon and they wear the silver aprons, and so the dish team have to get the silver aprons ready for them to wear. That makes sense. I'll go and check the silver wear."

So, I went upstairs, walked through the kitchen to the entrance to the kitchen where the aprons are kept and checked for silver ones. There were none. I went back downstairs and informed whichever particular shift lead it was that day that there was no silver wear. He was a little shocked and handed me some forks and knives to put out.

That's the moment I realised my mistake. He meant cutlery when he said silver wear. I didn't think he meant cutlery because it's stainless steal, not silver... completely different element America!

American Words 2, Wavey 0.

But American Names 0, Actual English names 1.

What's in a Word 1: Paper Towels.

So this series on the blog will look at the difference between what we call things in Ireland and what they call them here. Shout out to Micah, as it is usually him that explains these things to me.

It's almost the last week of my first term (American's say semester) here. But casting things way back to the very first week or so, we come to dorm cleaning.

So we do dorm cleaning every Tuesday. I clean the toilets and Micah cleans two of the sinks and counter and mirror over them. Well, this particular dorm cleaning I had the kitchen roll in the bathroom and Micah asked me if I could pass him the paper towels.

I don't know if anyone in Ireland calls kitchen roll paper towels, but I've never heard it called paper towels before. I looked at the towel hanging on the hooks outside the bathroom door and wondered if any of them could be classed as paper.

Here's my thought process:
"Why would one need a paper towel, surely it would just fall apart?
Who would even make a towel out of paper? What would the purpose be?
Maybe Micah means like a thin towel, like thin like paper. Now which of these towels looks paper thin? None of them... Okay Micah is looking at me funny, he has a confused face. I probably also have a confused face. I have no idea what he's looking for, I need to just hand him something or tell him I don't know what he's looking for."

I have no idea how we came to the understanding that when he said paper towels he meant the thing I understood to be called kitchen roll, but we got there eventually.

However, that wasn't the only time. A couple of weeks later I needed the kitchen roll and Micah had it. So I asked him for the kitchen roll, but realised it wasn't called that and stopped midway, trying to figure out what it was called but not remembering, again!

American words 1, Wavey 0

Raucous Roads

So, after a week toilets still creep me out (see blog post about terrifying toilets) but one thing I have gotten the hang of is roads.

Roads here are insane!! I have walked across a street of 12 lanes! 12 lanes, seven going one direction and the other five going the opposite. That is an insane amount of road.

Despite the 12 lanes of traffic in some places, the Americans have worked out the best system of crossing them.

There is no green man, there is a Red Hand of Ulster, he tells you not to go. I appreciate that, as an Irish person Ulster's Red Hand telling me not to go somewhere is quite apt. When you can go it is a white man, which to be fair seems a little racist! How come only the white man can go?
Then there is my favourite setting, blinking Red Hand of Ulster. This one means you can cross, but time is ticking down to when the mad 12 lanes of traffic will start moving again and bring your instant death. The blinking Red Hand of Ulster makes me smile, and quicken my step. The latter for obvious reasons, the former because just like how that road crossing signal is blinking so too is the Red Hand of Ulster in Ireland and might soon turn off when we become a Nation once again :D there is fun things to see everywhere you look.

So, despite largely having the hang of the really simple to use road systems here I have actually almost gotten myself killed... because Freeway.

You can't walk on Freeways and don't worry I didn't try, but also walking under Freeways and crossing their entry and exit ramps is preposterously dangerous.

To set the scene. It was about 12:45pm. I had checked out of my hotel at 11:00am and since visited the Chapel Store in Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa. That didn't kill nearly as much time as I had hoped and so I decided to read the little book I bought in a nearby Starbuck's (nearby is a relative term here it turns out). So I'm walking down Harbor Blvd on the border of Santa Ana and Costa Mesa and you have to go under the 420 (I think it is). So, from the Santa Ana side all was fine, the white man and the Red Hand of Ulster guided me under the Freeway. There was another, older gentlemen taking the journey with me. When we got to the other side there was a sign that said 'no pedestrians' (or something like that) and my good friends the Fly White Guy and the Red Hand of Ulster were nowhere to be seen. However, to the left of the no pedestrians sign there were two white lines, marking out a walkway to cross the road.

At this point the older gentleman turned back, he was having none of it. I, meanwhile, assessed the situation. As I did so my green blood boiled and I shrugged and walked out onto the street, the street that was an exit from a Freeway on which cars can drive at warp three. I got to the other side without a bother.

That was my downfall, my one safe crossing filled me with confidence when I saw another road to cross and still no Fly White Guy or Red Hand of Ulster. Again, I assessed the situation. Left lane entering Freeway, second lane going under Freeway.

"You got this Waves" I told myself as I stepped out onto the road. Just then a car in lane two, one I had determined went under Freeway, decided to go onto Freeway. I had miscalculated and had to jump backwards as the driver called me a million names I couldn't hear as he zoomed pass, though I doubt any of them were pleasant.

Well, I decided not to go back that way in the end, and got the bus under the Freeway instead!

But yeah, roads are grand, even massive ones... It's only if they forget to have the Fly White Guy and the Red Hand of Ulster that it becomes tricky!

Terrifying Toilets.

Toilets...

They all seem the same right? Every toilet in the world (besides those nightmare holes in the ground they still have in some parts of France) is the exact same, right? Right? Wrong.

Californian toilets are terrifying. Have you ever flushed the toilet on an aeroplane and heard that suction noise and wondered if you would have your insides sucked out if you were still sitting on it?

Well, Californian toilets are all like that. When you flush them they just suck up everything in a noisy pandemonium of my panic at what the frick that noise was. I say 'when you flush them'... more often than not they decide when they will be flushed thank-you-very-much. They are frequently automatic and that means they can flush whenever they feel like it.

Also, they are a lot bigger than Irish toilets, so the effect and the noise is magnified by there not being a tiny little bowl but a huge one.

After a week, I'm wondering if I'll ever get used to them!

Artesian Water.

California is hot, and being hot it means you need to buy water. The first day I bought water in Universal Studios, it was almost $4 for 500ml. That was insane. I learned from my mistake and bought water in 7-Eleven that night.

The water was called Fiji Natural Artesian Water.

So, firstly I think it is hilarious that you could call water 'artesian', what exactly could be artesian about water? It comes from the rain, filtered through the land and into a spring, it's not artesian unless you say the entire country of Fiji is artesian. Appropriate words may have been: exotic, foreign, normal, filtered etc.

Secondly, if this one bottle is called artesian, what is ever other type of water on the market like?

Well, 7-Eleven's own brand is 9.5 on the pH scale, 9.5, water is meant to be 7!! On a pH scale I googled I discovered 9.5 is more alkaline than sea water, and a little less alkaline than milk of magnesia and about the same as Gaviscon or those sorts of tablets.

Fiji water is famous for being the water of choice for the Kardashians, however, this water helps maintain a non-democratic regime on Fiji.

Also, it's very popular in Kerry!

It's literally just water, Deep River Rock is nicer! Ballygowen about the same.

Madness sells apparently.