What's Up?

One of the big phrases people say in California all the time is "what's up?" and every single time I hear it I panic.

In Ireland, the traditional greetings of "hi, how are you?" Have mostly survived.

How are you? is a very straightforward question. You know exactly what's being asked of you when someone says "how are you?"

You know they are enquiring as to your well-being in a polite and cordial manner. The polite response to the question, of course, is something simple like, "good, how are you?"

In Cork things are a little different. Corkonians will say "story?" and they mean the same thing as how are you. However, you can just answer "story?" or "What's the story?" with the word 'story' yourself.

"What's up?" and "S'up?" are just enigmas to me. I don't get the social norms to be able to give back the appropriate, correct and polite response. So, whenever someone says it I just panic.

These conversations usually go something like this.

Person of California: "Hey Wavey, what's up?"

Wavey's mind: "Ah crap, I have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to answer that question. I hate when people ask me "what's up"... Why do they say "What's up?" here they entire time anyway. I don't know what to say to you person, I just don't know what to say... What's the proper response to "what's up?" I don't know.

What Person of California sees: Wavey staring at them as he disappears into his own head like a turtle into its shell, or like how Augustus Gloop falls into that chocolate river in Willy Wonka's factory.

Wavey's Mind: "Well dang it Wavey, it's been like an eternity (maybe 8 seconds) and you have literally stood there, just staring at the person who said "what's up" to you. You need to do something, acknowledge the what's up, even if you have no idea how to answer it... Do something you introverted, socially awkward ninny-muggins!

 What Person of California sees: Wavey nods and walks away.

This is literally what happens each time. If you are one of my friends in California, could you not say what's up? Or if you do just walk away, then I can sigh a sigh of relief as I don't have to try and figure out what I should say back to you.